


Late Night Hunt

by Jammy



Category: MDTAS, Mighty Ducks The Animated Series
Genre: F/M, Friendship, I mean we're shopping for toys, Other, Shopping, Toys, birthday shopping, oh man I dont think that makes it any better does it?, whatever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 22:58:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10423686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jammy/pseuds/Jammy
Summary: Maine's birthday is coming up and being that he's a pretty seedy duck it's only natural that we go to an equally seedy place to find him a birthday gift there. That's my logic.Canard's, though? He insists that we just get him a normal looking birthday card or something.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [t3f3r](https://archiveofourown.org/users/t3f3r/gifts).



> This was a story I wrote last year about Canard and I checking out a small toys shop that's [coincidentally] on my commute to work/home. I thought that since I got this year's story in the works already I can post this one and then update it with the most recent trip when April 1st comes around. 
> 
>  
> 
> Agent Maine is my character....er....friend, he doesn't feel like an OC honestly. It's a loooong story that involves dreams in sequence. Also! My sister Tea is in this ofc, I make fun of her and Maine a lot because they like each other. 
> 
> Enjoy!

I rested my chin on my palm, watching the world fly by from Canard's jeep window. It was kind of cold from the week long raining, it was in the sixties at least with a nice cool breeze that reminded me of better fall days up north. It was also pretty late in the evening, going on ten thirty and we were driving back home, talking about our [arguably] friend Maine's birthday. The radio station we listened to played nothing but 80's music, I couldn't remember the name of it for the life of me but I know that Canard and my dad play it all the time. At the moment I knew that Bryan Adams was on, I could almost picture the music video that was paired with this song in my head.   
  
"When's his birthday again?"   
  
"April--something. I think it's in a few days." I answered watching Canard glance at the review mirror for a moment when he slowed the car down to the red light. He was wearing his usual 'disguise' that had a baseball cap and a jacket, unfazed at the cold breeze that came in through his open window. "I got the scoop from Drake and from sis." I explained tapping impatiently when a commercial began to play over the radio. It was talking about the garden festival being held at my workplace, I can't believe they're still selling tickets for that thing. "Luckily you were picking me up and not my dad, because honestly I wouldn't have the guts to ask him to stop on the way home and pick Maine up something for his birthday."   
  
"Your dad seems really chill though." Canard slowly disagreed with a eyebrow raise at my statement, the light changed green so we began to move again. "I don't think that he'd mind stopping, he's the type of guy that would if you just ask him."   
  
"It's not stopping somewhere that would make him totally flip, it's _**where**_ we stop." I couldn't hold in the nervous laugh that escaped me when I saw his questionable gaze. "Ok, ok look--I saw this place every single time dad and I drive home. And when I do see it I just think: 'God that place is so seedy...I wanna go in there and look around.' Well I think it's perfect now because we're on a mission to get a birthday gift. It's a very good excuse." Canard shrugged his shoulders and began to tap his hands against the steering wheel to the beat of another song. He told me as long as I tell him where to go then he'll take me there. "Thanks Canard." I said making a little kissy face at his direction, the guaranteed grin that appears on his bill whenever I make the face showed through. "I owe you one, kay?"   
  
"Deal." We drove just a little more down the 192, there was still a little bit of traffic because of the construction they were doing on one half of the road. A few songs came on that Canard and I heared before so we sang along a little bit, the ones we didn't know I saved to my phone so we can download later. All the while I told my driving companion stuff that happened at work at the most 'magical place on earth'. When we stopped at the light I gasped seeing the large neon sign,   
  
"Oh, oh! There it is, when we pass the light we'll turn right." The light turned green and immediately my friend merged into the right lane. "That small building covered in the red neon lights, that's the place."   
  
"Video Extra." Canard muttered the shop's title as we turned into the six car parking lot, he made a slightly sharper right so he can pull up in a empty parking spot. With the one other car in the small lot, I bet the car belonged to whoever was working at these unholy hours of the night. "'Adult entertainment, toys and novelty'...oh for spirit's sake, Jess." His voice sounded reluctant of my idea now; I didn't bother looking at him as I forced the heavy door open and jumped out onto the wet pavement. "Please tell me this is a joke, why not settle for a birthday card or something instead?"   
  
"If this is like any other place I went into then they'll have birthday cards here too." I looked back seeing Canard turn off his car in defeat and got out, I hurried passed the front of his car to meet up with him on the driver's side.   
  
"This place looks sketchy as hell." he muttered under his breath and looked down at me as I smiled up at him, he rolled his eyes. "But your parents would have me for dinner if they knew I let you walk in there by yourself." 'Probably' I joked wrapping my arm around his as we walked towards the door, I cooed out 'thank you Canard' at least three times before he finally answered me. The glass next to the doorway was nearly covered with scandalous outfits, they had pretty much any and all that you can think of hanging at the windows. When we took the first few steps inside the first thing that hits you other then the gaudy red carpet is the strong musky smell of incense, and the weird thing was I recognize that smell. I think it was called Frankincense or something? Oh hey I also know this song....1999, damn what a classic.   
  
"Welcome t'Video." there was an older woman at the register next to the door, though seeing the woman with her attention looking down at something else it was safe to assume that she rather didn't care we were there, didn't want to be there, or both. She might've just seen us in her peripheral and that was good enough for her. "If you're twenty five or older then we got a special offer for you, come talk to me if you wanna know more about it."   
  
"Thanks." Canard and I both called, though we gave each other a weary look. Neither of us were twenty five but god damn that totally peaked our interest, or, even kind of scared us just a little because what could the offer be that they excluded twenty one year olds? [Or a twenty three year olds, since Canard is twenty three.] Maine was the birthday boy turning twenty six, maybe we can blame him and ask what the offer is. Unfortunately I think Canard saw the gears in my head beginning to turn because he shook his head at me and ushered me along by the shoulders. There was more room towards the back of the store than there was near the front, I bit on my bottom lip in thought as I looked amongst the wall. Let's see, what would Maine be into? I let out a large gasp when I saw a familiar CD sitting on top of a shelf next to another black shelf covered in VHS and DVDs. My first instinct was to grab it.   
  
"Holy shit bro, Sublime! I only seen a eight-track of this album and I was sure as hell they banned this in a few states."   
  
"No." Canard's stern voice meant he knew I was almost on the edge of buying the CD. I waved it around a little,   
  
"Maybe Maine would like it--?"  
  
"No." he stressed the word and I let out a defeated blow of air as I placed it back on the stand. A small smile on my face as I was at ease knowing that at least he was helping me stay on track. I looked over the rest of the stuff that sat next to the DVD and I blinked in horror seeing a familiar mascot on the cover. "Horny _what_?" I looked up seeing that Canard and I were looking at the same DVD. I opened my mouth to answer and then closed it, not believing myself what I was seeing in front of me. Then, I realized that the DVD was made in the year two thousand.   
  
"Horny Duck." I whispered in between small fits of giggling. Canard turned his attention away from the movies exclaiming that there might be something else that Maine would like, I quickly followed him to resist the urge in flipping it over to see the back cover. "I can't believe they made a porno of a hockey mascot."   
  
"Is it really _**that**_ hard to believe?" Canard asked with a sarcastic brow raise,   
  
"I guess not." I admitted giving it another quick thought. A small stand not too far away from the t-shirts gave us a clear view with some cards, Canard and I grabbed one or two before looking over their seemingly innocent covers and then opening them up to see their little naughty insides. Some were the other way around, the cover would be suggestive and then the inside would play it innocent. "Hey." I said waving a card in front of his face. "Lookit, this one is perfect for Wildwing." Canard grabbed one side of the card as I held the other side, the cover had an attractive guy with a six pack wearing nothing but underwear on it. " _'For your birthday, let me show you something long and hard...'_ " we flipped the card open and laughed seeing that on the inside was just a long complicated math equation.   
  
"Knowing Wing he might just try to answer this too." he said flipping over to the back to see the price, he shrugged his shoulders and grabbed an envelope to match it. "I'll probably send it to him when his birthday's coming up."   
  
"You're not gonna visit him?" I asked grabbing another card from the stand, my friend shrugged his heavy shoulders and muttered that he had no idea what he was going to do. He then asked when my cousin was getting married because then maybe I could use a day or two from that to go with him to see Wildwing and the rest of the team. "Bro you already know that story. My cousin and her fiance aren't planning jack, they have a dress and a suit but no place to get married or even a date for it. It's kinda hard to pinpoint when anything is happening anymore." The card I grabbed had a female's torso in a corset on the cover saying _'I thought you deserved something sexy for your birthday...'_. I had expected something sarcastic and witty on the inside like _'I returned it'_ or something but on the inside it just read _'...Me!'_ "Defiantly not" I muttered practically tossing the card back on the stand where it belonged. Fuck no, not for Maine.   
  
"How's this?" Canard held a card that was red and had the words _'YO'_ in white covering the whole cover. He laughed a little before flipping the card open, in all caps taking up both sides of the card read _'Happy Birthday Motherfucker'_. I couldn't hold in my laughter and I immediately grabbed the card,  
  
"Oh yeah, that's perfect man." I grabbed an envelope from the stand before taking another look around. "Alright, now to look for a gift." Canard seemed convinced that the card would do just fine for Maine but he didn't comment any further when I walked to a wall to observe the things they had on display. "Bruh." I called to Canard over my shoulder with eyes glued to the display, my mallard companion came to my side and looked up. An uneasy look on his face when we both stared at the wall covered in various toys. "Finally, this shit he'd get into."   
  
"You think so?" My attention was caught by a dildo that was purple and sparkly, though it was a nice thought of a 'galaxy toy' the design overall was really lazy. And something that plain looking for nineteen dollars wasn't really worth it, I carried on to look over the others.   
  
"Remember when you took me and that other squad to Akuze?" Canard nodded his head. "Well apparently I found out that Maine knew a guy there, they were in business with each other. They sold each other information for ammo, credits, fight-club entries and even a toy or two. I found one in his pack once and he didn't even give a shit. Maine just forbid me not to use it."   
  
"Did you?" I practically yelled out a 'hell no' and Canard seemed not only relieved but a little embarrassed that he had asked. "Sorry I just thought--because I think you're that crazy."   
  
"Ah hell nah dude." I shuddered at the thought of putting any of Maine's naughty things anywhere near my body. I decided to fuck with him a little and grinned mischievously, "Not Maine's at least." His eyes were fixated at the shelf so rather he didn't hear me or he completely ignored me, I just kept on smiling before I grabbed two different toys in each hand. Canard even joined in by grabbing a box and reading the back. He shrugged and nodded his head--probably the care instructions. The next thing that peaked my interests happened to be a large looking dildo that read in bold letters 'Touch Me!'. Curse you large labels I could never resist your charms, I poked my finger through the little plastic cut-out hole to feel the squishy exterior. "Ou!" I gasped making my friend look over. I held it over to Canard so he can see it better. "Dude, feel it. It's so squishy." The mallard became tensed before poking his finger inside the hole, though his shoulders did relax a little his eyes widened.   
  
"Wow, it is." he grabbed the box to read the front and then rose a brow at me, "Deep G-spot satisfaction?" 'Oh, right, I forgot.' I muttered grabbing the box back from him and I looked at the front of it some more before poking my finger in it to feel the gel exterior. It was freaking weird because it was 'modeled after the real thing' it read, and it did have some veins and stuff it looked like. _"No, babycakes."_ I laughed hearing his stern voice because damn, Canard knew me so well. I took a look on the back of the box and read the first sentence which made me tense.   
  
"For external use only? Wait, then why the fuck is it a--"   
  
"Ok, that's more of a 'hell no' then." Canard said grabbing the box from my hand and putting it back up on a higher metal hanger. I gasped out a few 'waits' and asked him how much it was. "What's the point? You can't even use it." he said flipping it around and blinking, "It's twenty seven dollars."   
  
"Ah fuck that, I'm not spending that much if you can't even use it."   
  
"It also says that it also might over heat and cause some burning...holy fuck and you guys actually sell this shit as a sex toy."   
  
"I'm just as surprised as you are honestly." I said with a shrug. I wasn't so sure what else to get Maine, I knew he'd like something here but what exactly? That was the question. I felt like I had to get another person in on this so I can get a better idea at what to buy. There was no way in hell that I was going to call Drake, but there was someone else I knew that was spending a little more quality time with the birthday boy. I whipped out my phone from my shoulder bag and went into the contacts, all the while Canard was watching with a questionable expression. I was relieved to hear the female voice on the other line, glad to know she was still awake. "Hey Jen."  
  
"You're bringing Jen into this?!" he gasped and I waved a hand at him playfully and ignored his question. My sister on the other end asked if we were stopping somewhere to eat, the usual sister not eating until I get home.   
  
"No not yet, Canard and I stopped at a place to get a birthday present for Maine. I wanted some of your input because we stopped at 'Video Extra'."   
  
_'Where?'_   
  
"Video Extra, that sketchy lil place that we always drive past on the way home. Anyways, we stopped there and I was wondering what you might think is better for Maine--stop laughing." I threatened hearing the close to hysterical laughter blasting through my phone. "I'm serious I donno what to get him and I know you have friends in seedy places so give me the scoop. Maine told me once how a certain someone had swallowed his balls and he totally loved that." I threatened smiling when I heard the laughter stop. Canard stared at me with his mouth slightly open in shock, I looked at him with the slight tilt of my head and held up a finger telling him to hold on so he closed his mouth and crossed his arms. It took about a minute but finally my sister had given me a straight answer,   
  
_'Well for starters, he's gonna need lube no matter what. Make sure it's water based, water based is always the safest. And of course you'll have to make sure whatever you get is waterproof, even though most of the stuff sold is  supposed to be waterproof make sure it says it's so. Also make sure you look at how to, and where, to store it and if it needs to change it's batteries after every use. Some things tell you that you need to change it after each use, some say it's not needed or don't mention it. And...yeah, he likes his balls grabbed but he's not picky either. He showed me his vibe once, it was powder blue and it looked like it had clouds or something on it? Anyways, he says it was his favorite because the speed was adjustable, then it broke and so he had to throw it out.'_   
  
"Thanks Jen, I'll be sure that Canard and I pick something up for you on the way home. How's a queso-chullupa sound?" I smiled hearing my sister confirm that sounded good with her and I thanked her another time before hanging up. I knew that she'd have more knowledge about this sort of stuff than me, it's a good thing I called. "Right, so sis said that we need to look for water based lube. We gotta make sure that whatever we get is waterproof and instructions for after-use care. Lastly, she said Maine showed her a vibe he had once and it was powder blue. It had adjustable speeds and it was his favorite before it broke."   
  
"Holy shit." Canard muttered taking a glance around the shelves. "She sure knows a lot about these...kind of things. And also why the hell was Maine showing her his vibrator..?" 'Who knows, I know she got some friends who know a lot about this stuff.' I answered truthfully with a shrug and grabbed a small light blue colored vibrator that was covered in small pineapples. I looked at the back, it mentioned to keep it in a cool dry place and the vibrations were adjustable at the bottom. Oh, and it was also 'whisper quiet'--and waterproof, how about that?   
  
"Found the toy."   
  
"Found the lube." Canard answered back pulling out two bottles, both looking similar to the other except one was red themed and the other was blue. It had a silhouette of a guy opening his shirt super-man style with the company's logo on his chest. The blue themed clear bottle explained that it was water based and hypoallergenic, the clear red themed bottle was also water based but it had a 'heating factor'. "Red or blue?"   
  
"Blue, I donno if he's allergic to anything so we better play it safe."   
  
"Good idea--that's it?" he asked pointing to the vibrator in the small package, I handed it to him so he can look it over. He shrugged his shoulders, "Hey, whatever, it's your gift to him." 'Sweet' I answered back with a large grin, I grabbed the things and lead us to the register where the woman didn't even bother to leave her spot. I noticed a button on the counter and immediately grabbed it to toss it on the small pile of items, Canard looked over to see what the button said and laughed. "It suits him."   
  
" 'Don't like me? Then sit down and wait for me to give a fuck'. Oh yeah, he'll love it." I said in agreement and watched the lady scan our little heroic bottle, the toy and the birthday card with the large loud font. The lady made eye contact with me before looking over at Canard and making a double take. I mean I know the disguise wasn't completely fool proof for a duck alien, it was just a jacket and cap after all. Still, I thought it was quite something that Canard gave her a calm small smile. I took it upon myself to get this lady to stop staring at my friend, maybe it was the anxiety that made me bold or the thought that my friend might have a little bit of anxiety. "So yeah that offer you brought up earlier." My defence against Canard nudging my arm with his elbow was just to flinch, I had her attention and she didn't even have to hesitate.  
  
"You twenty-five, sug?" I'd bet every dollar in my wallet that she was from Boston, or lived there since she was a teen because damn that accent was thick. Thicker than Duke's too.   
  
"Uh, no, twenty-one. But my friend, the birthday boy, is turning twenty-six. I was wondering if it'd be something he'd like." I was sure that if I told her so then she'd ask For my I.D. The lady turned to look back at Canard who in response shook his head hurriedly muttering 'No'. "Not him, our friend isn't with us, he's working now. But that's why we're here for a little birthday gift run." She blinked her long thick eyelashes and her monotone expression didn't change as she continued to watch me, effortlessly putting our haul into a white plastic bag without trailing her eyes away. Finally she scoffed.   
  
"That's cute sug, y'think you're old enough." I shrugged at her notion,   
  
"I try."   
  
"Thirty-eight, fourteen." I gave her a forty and got my change returned, Canard brought the birthday card to the counter and she scanned it wearily. I ignored her awkward behavior and leaned over to grab my friend at his arm,   
  
"So bro, you hungry?" 'Starving', Canard answered with a small laugh and asked me what I had in mind. "Tacos? I've been craving for tacos for freakin' years. And sis said that she'd take a queso-chalupa so we should probably stop and get one for her."   
  
"A what?"   
  
"A queso-chalupa. It's a...taco that's half taco and half quesadilla? They've been showing it all over TV lately." I don't think that did anything because Canard still stared at me with a confused expression which he horribly covered with a smile, I couldn't help but smile a little more because I know he was just trying to be polite. "It's a taco."   
  
"Uh-huh."   
  
"And a quesadilla. That lil flat thing filled with cheese we had a few days ago?" 'Oh!' he gasped with a small laugh, that was one of the vegetarian friendly things I have shared with him because I know he's not as carnivorous as Drake or Maine. I knew Canard was ok with some meat but other things kind of freaked him out; so far tacos, lasagna and pepperoni pizza were on the ok list. After receiving his change the two of us left the adult store, at the exact moment the two of us were in the parking lot we both took a glance at each other because we had the same thing on the mind. "The offer, huh?"   
  
"Yeah," Canard dug into his coat pocket a little to grab the keyring, giving it a little spin around his forefinger before catching it in his palm. "we shouldn't really care. We're not twenty five but..."  
  
"What the hell is she hiding that we can't know what it is? What do you think it is? I think it's some really freaky videos in a secret video room."   
  
"I don't think I want to know, babycakes. If they gave it an age limit then...I think that's something to be afraid of." I laughed as I hopped into the passenger's seat, Canard jumped up into the driver's seat and closed the door next to him tossing the plastic bag on the floor in between us. "I'm serious!" he said waving his hands up and down like an uneven scale, "Age restrictions? And the same damn place sells dildos that claims it might cause internal damage or even burns? If that doesn't sound shady then I don't know what is." Now here is when shit got interesting, casually putting the key into the ignition and bringing the car to life and Canard's radio turned on with the smooth sound of the saxophone blaring through the speakers. Thinking that we had came out of a place that was easily deemed as a hotspot for some porno prop buyers it was almost impossible to keep the laugh from coming out. I laughed even harder when Canard laughed along as well, what are the chances of coming out of an adult store and hearing 'Careless Whisper' play on the radio? We decided to add on to the irony, Canard rose the volume just a little more and we both yelled the lyrics right as we left the parking lot heading our way to Taco Bell.   
  
\----[end]


End file.
